That 'Ole Time Religion
Here are some collected versus to add to that old favorite "Olde Time Religion" song.
- Let us worship Aphrodite,
Though we hear she's rather flighty
Still she looks great in a nightie
And that's good enough for me. - We will pray to Father Zeus
In his temple we'll hang loose
Eating roast beef au jus,
And that's good enough for me. - Let us worship like the Druids
Drinking strange fermented fluids
Running naked through the wo-ods,
And that's good enough for me.
[Alternative third line: Running naked but for wo-ads] - My roommate worships Buddha.
There is no idol cuter.
Comes in copper, bronze, and pewter,
And that's good enough for me. - We will worship Sun Myung Moon
Though we know he is a goon.
All our money he'll have soon.
And that's good enough for me. - We will go down to the temple,
Sit on mats woven of hemp(le),
Try to set a good exemple [sic],
And that's good enough for me. - We will finally pray to Jesus,
From our sins we hope he frees us,
Eternal life he guarantees us,
And that's good enough for me. - Let us pray to Zarathustra
Let us pray just like we useta
I'm a Zarathustra boosta
It's good enough for me. - Let us pray like the Egyptians
Build pyramids to put our crypts in
Fill our subways with inscriptions
It's good enough for me. - If it's good enough for Dagon
That conservative old pagan
Who still votes for Ronald Reagan
It's good enough for me. - We will have a mighty orgy,
In the honor of Astarte
It will be one helluva party
And it's good enough for me. - We will sacrifice to Yuggoth
Carve the signs of Azag-Thoth
Burn a candle for Yog-Sothoth
And the Goat with a thousand young. - We will all be saved by Mithras
We will all be saved by Mithras
Slay the bull and play the zithras
On that resurrection day. - We will all bow down to Enlil
We will all bow down to Enlil
Pass your cup and get a refill
With bold Gilgamesh the brave. - It was good enough for Loki
It was good enough for Loki
He thinks Thor's a little hokey
And he's good enough for me. - We will all go to Nirvana
So be sure to mind your manners
Make a left turn at Savannah
And we'll see the Promised Land. - It was good for old Jehova
He had a son who was a nova
Hey there, Mithras move on ova'
A new resurrection day. - Where's the gong gang? I can't find it
I think Northwoods is behind it
For they've always been cymbal minded
Yet they're good enough for me. - I hear Valkyries a-comin
In the air their song is coming
They forgot the words they're humming
Yet they're good enough for me. - There are people into voodoo
Africa has raised a whoodo
Just one little doll will do you
And it's good enough for me. - It was good for Thor and Odin
Grab an axe and get your woad on
Till the Giants went and rode in
And it's good enough for me. - It was good enough for Odin
Though the croakin' was forbodin'
Until the giants road in
And it's good enough for me. - If your rising sign is Aries
You'll be taken by the faeries
Meet the Buddha in Benares
Where he'll hit you with a pie. - There will be a lot of lovin'
When we're gathered in our coven.
Quit your pushin' and your shovin'
So there'll be room enough for me. - There are followers of Conan.
And you'll never hear 'em groaning
Followed Crom up to his throne(in)
And it's good enough for me. - It could be that you're a Parsi.
It could be that you're a Parsi.
Walk on by her; you'll get in free
And you're good enough for me. - Azathoth is in his Chaos.
Azathoth is in his Chaos.
Now if only he don't sway us,
Then that's good enough for me. - Just like Carlos Casteneda,
Just like Carlos Casteneda,
It'll get you sooner or later
And it's good enough for me. - We will venerate Bubastes.
We will venerate Bubastes.
If you like us then just ask us,
And that's good enough for me. - We will all sing Hari Krishna.
We will all sing Hari Krishna.
It's not mentioned in the mishna
But that's good enough for me. - We will read from the Cabala.
Quote the Tree of Life mandala
It won't get you in Valhalla,
Yet it's good enough for me. - If you think that you'll be sa-ved,
If you think that you'll be sa-ved,
If you follow Mogan David,
You're not good enough for me. - It's the opera written for us.
We will all join in the chorus.
It's the opera about Boris
Which is Godunov for me. - There is room enough in Hades
For lots of criminals and shadies
And disreputable ladies,
And they're good enough for me. - To the tune of Handel's "Largo"
We will hymn the gods of cargo
'Til they slap on an embargo
And that's good enough for me. - Praise to Popacatapetl
Just a tiny cigarette'll
put him in terrific fettle
so he's good enough for me. - We will drive up to Valhalla
riding Beetles, not Impalas
singing "Deutschland Uber Alles"
and that's good enough for me. - We will all bow to Hephaestus
As a blacksmith he will test us
'cause his balls are pure asbestos
so he's good enough for me. - We will sing of Iluvatur,
Who sent the Valar 'cross the water
To lead Morgoth to the slaughter
And that's just fine with me. - We will sing of Foul the Render,
Who's got Drool Rockworm on a bender
In his cave in Kiril Threndor--
They're both too much for me. - We will sing the Jug of Issek,
And of Fafhrd his chief mystic,
Though to thieving Mouser will stick,
And that's good enough for me. - Of Lord Shardik you must beware;
To please him you must swear;
'Cause enraged he's a real Bear,
And that's good enough for me. - You can dance and wave the thyrsos
And sing lots of rowdy verses
Till the neighbors holler curses,
And that's good enough for me. - Let us celebrate Jehovah
Who created us \ab/ \ova/
He'll be on tonight on Nova
'cause he's good enough for me. - Montezuma used to start out
He would rip a certain part out
You would really eat your heart out
And he's good enough for me. - We will go to worship Zeus
Though his morals are quite loose
He gave Leda quite a goose
And he's good enough for me. - Let us sing to old Discordia
'Cause it's sure she's never bored ya
And if she's good enough for ya
Then she's good enough for me. - We will go to worship Venus
Though we hear she's kind of mean(us)
She might bite you on the--elbow
But she's good enough for me. - Well, we went to worship Venus
And, by god, you should have seen us
'Cause the clinic had to screen us
But she's good enough for me. - We will go and worship Isis
She will help us in a crisis
And she'll never raise her prices
So she's good enough for me. - We will sing a song of Mithras
Let us sing a song of Mithras
But there is no rhyme for Mithras!
Still he's good enough for me. - We will go to worship Kali
She will help us in our folly
She'd be quite an armful, golly!
And she's good enough for me. - We will all bow down to Allah,
For he gave his loyal follow-
Ers the mighy petro-dollah,
And that's good enough for me. - Let us sing to Lord Cthuhlu
Don't let Lovecraft try to fool you
Or the Elder Gods WILL rule you
And that's good enough for me. - Let us watch Ka.ka.pa.ull
Frolic in her swimming pool
Subjecting chaos to her rule
And that's all right with me. - Let's all listen up to Jesus
He says rich folks like old Croesus
Will be damned until Hell freezes
And that don't sound good to me. - Let us do our thing for Eris
Goddess of the discord there is
Apple's golden, it's not ferrous
and that's good enough for me. - Of the Old Ones, none is vaster
Even Cthulhu's not his master
I refer to the unspeakable ------*
and that's good enough for me.
* well, do YOU want to say it? - Let us worship old Jehovah
All you other gods move ovah
Cause the one God's takin' over
And it's good enough for me. - Let us sing for Brooharia
Though the blood's a lot less cleaner
It's not Christian Santaria
So it's good enough for me. - Timmy Leary we will sing to
And the things that he was into
(Well, at least it wasn't Shinto)
And that's good enough for me. - We shall sacrifice to OTIS
and Lotus, Spode, and Rotus
Though the normals may not notice
It will be good enough for me. - Then we'll worship with the Fruitcakes
(better than those Buddhist flakes)
bowing for the weekly keepsake
and it will be good enough for me.